Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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