I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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