Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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