Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
