I wish I could punch you in the face.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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