Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
