and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
