Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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