good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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