The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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