she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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