On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
