You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
