Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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