theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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