Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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