I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am one with the molecules
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
