who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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