So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
