i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
