Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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