It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
