YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
