Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
