We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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