im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're like the curious george of whores
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
