so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
