you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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