he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
