omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
