she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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