Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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