the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
