i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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