No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
