singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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