and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
