Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
