He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
