You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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