i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was born a porn star she said
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
