Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
