ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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