You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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