it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
