Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
