thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
