i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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