i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
