one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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