I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
